Got bored with Cheesus123, which got 1/2 a second's thought, changed journal to pippafeather. So friend me, bitches.

A few days ago, I started getting excited about the new Brad Pitt movie, Oceans 12 (yes, I realize there are 98 other actors in that movie, but it's still a Brad Pitt movie to me), so I did an image search to remind me of how pretty he was. I came across some slightly odd photos, but brushed them aside. But now I'm willing to do anything to keep from writing this essay, so I've found more!

Kinky Bitch Brad
Straight Up Dominatrix Brad
Brad in Glittery Dress Running On Beach
Again
And Again
And Again
Brad In White Dress and Gloves in Desert with His Two Piglet Friends
Brad in The Prom Dress Spawned in Satan's Churning Asshole
Brad in Jackie-O-ish Glasses and a Dress So Short I'm Pregnant
Brad in Yet Another Short Dress, Legs Provacatively Spread
Brad in Same Dress, Now Taking Midday Tea
Brad in Same Dress, SASSY!
...Brad in...Auschwitz?
The..the Nazis...They Killed Brad and Left Him Bare-Bottomed?
No, Silly. Brad's Not Jewish. He's...A Tribal Thai Woman?
And Here We Have the Japanese Deliberately Trying to Uglify Him
Worst Career Choice Ever.
ROOTS WAKES YOU UP!

OK, I'm done. These are all from the same site, but the point of my story is, why can't we go back to the time when this was the only image of Brad Pitt that I had in my head? Why the rest of the dominatrix/dress/Holocaust pictures? There is just no need. No need at all.

(I Got That) Boom Boom
Britney Spears

Ying Yang Twins:
(Shout it)
We gonna go to the club and get crunk with Britney
heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy


(this for all thise southerners out there)

(Shorty)
She think she fine
Fine enough to blow your mind (/penis)
(Shorty)
She think she bad
Get on the floor and shake that ass (because that is only appropriate for girls with behavioral issues)
(Shorty)
She think she fine
Fine enough to blow your mind (your brain, it will spew seedstuff)
(Shorty)
She think she bad
Get on the floor and shake that ass (Britney, do this for me, it will make men smile)

Britney:
Yeah, this is for all those southern boys out there
Check this out (this is my luscious set of breasticles, they are ample and bared for you)

I see you looking my way and I know that
You have something to say (probably something lewd, totally lacking class, and flattering to someone such as myself)
Watching every inch of my body
Like you wanted to play (are these real lyrics?)

Boom, boom, boom
Boy you look so sexy
Boom, boom, boom
Boy you look so sexy (honestly, LYRICS CHILDREN?)

I begin to dance just a little bit
To turn you on (because that is just what I do. Acute puberty onset syndrome, it's my specialty)

I got that boom boom
That you want
Watching me all night long
Hurry up before it's gone (wait, your BOOM BOOM is a limited time offer? It goes away?)
I got that boom boom
That you want
I don't think you should wait
One minute might be too late (I thought it was "woman it might be too late" - I thought she was coming out to me)

Ying Yang Twins:
Whoo-hooo
Whoo-hooo
Whoo-hooo (Whoo-hoo is the best the Ying Yang Twins could come up with)
Britney:
Yeah (Britney agrees wholeheartedly)

You had caught my eye and
I wanted to get to know you
Don't be shy
I want you to come closer
So what you gonna do? (probably either have sex with me, or masturbate, thinking about me later tonight)
(So here we go)

Boom, boom, boom
Boy you look so sexy
(So damn sexy)
Boom, boom, boom
Boy you look so sexy
(Tonight)

I got that boom boom
That you want (It's here, in my panties)
Watching me all night long
Hurry up before it's gone (my vagina, it's crafty)
I got that boom boom
That you want
I don't think you should wait (that would be imprudent)
One minute might be too late

Ying Yang Twins:
(Shorty) (Little known fact: Britney is 2'5")
She think she fine (in fact, Britney is surprisingly trollish. They airbrushed her face/body to match her penismindblowing voice)
Fine enough to blow your mind
(Shorty)
She think she bad (she is in a fact a lovely person)
Get on the floor and shake that ass (as other lovely southern girls do)
(Shorty)
She think she fine
Fine enough to blow your mind
(Shorty)
She think she bad
Get on the floor and shake that ass
(Shorty)
She think she fine
Fine enough to blow your mind
(Shorty)
She think she bad
Get on the floor and shake that ass (this is a slightly repetitive song)

(< Be Warned: Homage to Alice in Wonderland approaching>)
Twittle-ittle-ee
Twittle-ittle-ee
Twittle-ittle-ee
Twittle-ittle-ee
Twittle-ittle-ee
Twittle-ittle-ee (</homage>)
Shorty, get on the floor and shake that ass for me (This particular Ying Yang Twin developed a deep, spiritual relationship wit Britney, meriting a personalized lapdance)
< ALICE!>
Twittle-ittle-ee
Twittle-ittle-ee
Twittle-ittle-ee
Twittle-ittle-ee
Twittle-ittle-ee
Twittle-ittle-ee
< /ALICE!>
Shorty, get on the floor and shake that ass for me (says the other Ying Yang Twin) (she gets around)

She naked
She soaking wet
Strip tease like a mmm (Britney is actually this woman or maybe this one - seriously, he had Liz Hurley and he went for THAT?)
Drip, sweat (body odors are only sexy for Britney)
She got a little body that I can’t forget
I ain’t met a young lady that outdid her yet (just wait, we'll meet someday)
Britney Spears and the Ying Yang Twins
Wazup, ha, we all became friends (...?)
Might as well let the party begin
If you’re ready then jump on in(to Britney's gaping vagina)

(Shorty)
She think she fine
Fine enough to blow your mind
(Shorty)
She think she bad
Get on the floor and shake that ass
(Shorty)
She think she fine
Fine enough to blow your mind
(Shorty)
She think she bad
Get on the floor and shake that ass
(Shorty)
She think she fine
Fine enough to blow your mind
(Shorty)
She think she bad
Get on the floor and shake that ass (MOST. REPETITIVE. SONG. EVER.>

Britney:
I got that boom boom (it's right here, in my mouth)
That you want (come find it) (SCAVENGER HUNT!)
Watching me all night long (my music videos, they are like porn and such)
Hurry up before it's gone (the video is only so long. You have to hurry if you want to orgasm)
I got that boom boom
(I got that boom boom) (one time is not enough. I must say this twice in a row)
That you want
I don't think you should wait ('twould be imprudent)
One minute might be too late

I got that boom boom (Yeah)
That you want
Watching me all night long
Hurry up before it's gone
I got that boom boom (Yeah)
That you want
I don't think you should wait
One minute might be too late (I'm sick of this song)

Boom, boom, boom
Boy you look so sexy
(Damn you look so sexy)
Boom, boom, boom
Boy you look so sexy
(What you doing to me?) (It's called the twisted Buddha - it's quite thrilling, actually)

Boom, boom, boom
Boy you look so sexy
(Damn you turning me on)
Boom, boom, boom
Boy you look so sexy
Yeah

"If you don't know what the wound of childhood is, just wait a couple years and remember my words." - Professor Cuda

( These things make me want to die )

You know White Noise? Don Delillo? Yeah, FUCKTHATSHIT. I love white noise. I love having a TV on in the background, or the radio, just music, anything. There should always be something on in the background, because something more interesting than you is always lurking around the corner. Fuck Don Delillo. Overrated fucker.

Date:	2004-12-10 04:33
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired
Music:	the early morning show

.... I want to claw my eyes out. Do you know why? Because I'm watching one of those 40 frillion indifferentiable shows on VH1, and Carrot Top was on it. But no, that's not why I want to claw my eyes out. Noooohohohoho. It's because he's...::shudders::...he's fucking ripped?! His arms - they're huge! Why in god's name is CARROT TOP hitting the gym so hard?

I have rekindled my love affair with Adam Carolla. Ours in a transcending love.

"A Tennessee man plans to marry the woman who was jailed for ripping off his testicles with her fingernails. And that's the news from Tennesse..."
-Tina Fey

Also: I never knew there was an "Early Today" show. Interestingly enough, it's just as boring as the normal Today show.

Just had a fire alarm go off. A firefighter gave me sass about standing too close to the entrance while trying to read the NYTimes in the light around the entrance. I grabbed her by the back of the neck, kicked her ass, made her cry. Glad that's been taken care of.

I tried to see how long I could go without drinking. Apparently, about 2 weeks. That's how long. ::sigh::

Fucking. Canada.

Ann Coulter: They need us. They better hope the United States doesn't roll over one night and crush then. They're lucky we allow them to exist on the same continent.
- It's called geography, we don't really have a choice
Ann Coulter: Oh, we could've taken them over so easily..
-(summarizing) we trade with them, they provide external energy supplies, we share a culture, one of the few countries we actually get along with. Why would we want to ridicule them?
Ann Coulter: Because they speak French. ::smirk::


Tucker Carlson: Without the U.S., Canada is essentially Honduras, but, you know, colder and much less interesting.
Tucker Carlson: You'd be invaded by Norway if it weren't for the United States.
Tucker Carlson: I don't think the average Canadian feels (hates America) - the average Canadian is busy dogsledding, you know that. (Canadian woman he's debating seriously looks like he's hurting her feelings)
Canadian woman: There's a lot of dog-WALKING, not a lot of dog sledding
Tucker Carlson: OK, welcome to our century.

Damn uppity Canadians.
(ganked from Monkeyfilter)

Date:	2004-12-09 15:30
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	sad

They killed Dimebag Darrell? Who would kill Dimebag Darrell?

"Damageplan had just begun their first song at the Alrosa Villa when the man opened fire, first targeting [Dimebag Darrell] Abbott, shooting him multiple times at point-blank range, a witness said."

Date:	2004-12-08 14:50
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	sad
Music:	the roots - the seed (2.0)

Well this is just the saddest thing I've ever read. Gorillas at Brookfield Zoo hold a gorilla-wake to mourn death of their strongest female, Babs.

I had a headache for the rest of the day after all the tears I cried watching them," Green said.

Date:	2004-12-08 05:46
Subject:	This is the most bittersweet moment of my life
Security:	Public
Mood:	awake
Music:	LITTLE GIANT!

Right, so when I visited Nisha at Northwestern over the summer, before she came home, we got a smidge tipsy and ended up lying on the couches in her dorm's lounge watching TV til around 5 a.m. We realized after a long, long, looooong time that we had been intensely concentrating on an infomercial for the Little Giant Ladder. Some might say this is the worst infomercial ever. Anyways, it's on right now. 5:45 a.m. So I went to the website. The infomercial is there.

Right, so basically this post is only for Nisha, because she is the only person who will be even remotely as amused by this as I am. This is the most complicated ladder I've ever seen in my life.

Rok Sako To Rok Lo, Arindham Chaudhary (my dad)'s "much talked about campus caper" (!!!) is going to be premiered on a cell phone.

Take that in, kids. It's going to stream on a cell phone, and you can watch it. On your cell phone. The whole movie. This is a country with 18,000,000 starving children (this according to the crusaders for starving Indian armless-legless-goatless children on campus). Hey, assholes, maybe feed your dying, poverty-stricken children before investing too much in cell phone technology. Oh, and the nuclear warheads? Maybe put those on hold too. At least until your children stop dying. Just a thought.

Um...why can't my volvo do this? I need a dancing robot car, godammit. Mostly, I just like the music.

But mostly, I just want this sculpture of rhinos doing the nasty. Anyone have $1900 they want to lend me?

(both ganked from littleyellowdifferent)

Date:	2004-12-07 01:17
Subject:	I got sunshine in a bag
Security:	Public
Mood:	amused
Music:	gorillaz - clint eastwood

Hey. Jo. LOOK AT YOUR RICEY-ASSED CAR, YOU RICEY FUCKER!

Date:	2004-12-05 00:54
Subject:	Tally for the day
Security:	Public
Mood:	content
Music:	SNL MOTHERFUCKERS! Seth Meyers is so durned DREAMY!

4 a.m.: Went to sleep

7:20 a.m.: Woke up

8:00 a.m.: Had my car stuffed full of squealing 13-year-olds

9:30 a.m.: Rolled into Renfroe Middle School and entered cafeteria full of hundreds upon hundreds of over-achieveing, squealing 13-year-olds

9:35 a.m.: Went to school library to work on term papers due this week; was informed that there was no internet access in the entire school on debate days to prevent kids from looking up external information in between rounds; cried.

10:30 a.m.: Straight up fled Renfroe Middle School after the first round, after explaining to head of debate league who looks startlingly like Harry Potter (despite her vagina) that we have finals and that we go to a real school with real finals, not whatever junior college you go to that leads to you devoting your adult life to middle school debate tournaments; headed to public library in Decatur with Kyle to do some major paper-writing with delicious internet access

10:45 a.m.: Found out that the public library in Decatur is ghetto fabulous. After a librarian took about half an hour to type in my information to get me a library card (all the info I gave her was my name, address, and phone number, I shit you not - half an hour to type that up), I was informed that the library only allots 1 free hour of internet access a day; hopes were shot to pieces; wept bitterly; worked furiously for an hour to copy and paste all relevant information for papers

1:00 p.m.: Lunched with Kyle at most ineptly staffed McDonalds in the world, excluding India probably; was outraged by amount of salt (ridiculous) poured onto fries; further outraged by amount of time it took fries to get from the pan where a woman stood idly by them checking her nails to my tray, where I stood, my body slowly atrophying away with hunger.

2:30 p.m.: Rolled back into library for some more hardcore paper-writing

4:10 p.m.: Got the call from Alex letting me know that 1) 5 of our kids got in trouble with the assistant principal of the school the tournament was held in (we <3 our juvenile delinquents, we really do) and 2) award ceremony was about to start; headed back to RMS.

4:30 p.m.: Our kids get 16, 13, 9 and 2 place in individual awards, 13 and 4th in team awards, those two teams advance from novice to junior varisity league because they rock the cock like none other.

4:45 p.m.: Am informed that Roderick asked an Asian judge if he could bust moves like Jackie Chan - as that judge was writing up the ballots and tallying scores. Incidentally, Roderick's team lost that round.

5:30 p.m.: Dropped kids off at Brown Middle School; car was assaulted by group of destructive pre-pubescent boys with too much energy at the end of the day; said tearful goodbyes to my lovelies for a whole month; sped into the dark of night, far away from the heathens, my face still hurts from smiling so much.

Since then I've poked at my paper on and off, watched three episodes of some god-awful show on MTV with Kelly Osborne and three incredibly attractive guys on it, and was amused by the fact that Kelly has a British accent on the show, and her mother? American accent. Niiiiice.

OMFG OMFG! Just walked past the Carlos Museum on my way to work and there's a middle school field trip there, and it's a CATHOLIC SCHOOL! ::gasp!::

At least I believe it's a Catholic school. There's some confusion as to how old these kids really are, because those girls look like 16-year-old whores. And yet, the Catholics define a co-educational high school as "a sin meriting the highest possible degree of Old-Testament-y divine wrath," and there were boys in the group. By definition "catholic" actually means "separate the filthy, breeding children," so it has to be a middle school.

Anyways, the point of this is that I was walking to school, there was this made-up, would-be-pretty-if-you-could-only-see-her-face blonde wearing her tiny little plaid skirt with the waist rolled and the shirt untucked, sleeves unbuttoned, and I was going to ignore her and simply mutter something harmless to myself as I passed, but then, she did it. She fucking did it. I swear to god it was like a flashback. It's like I was in fucking Nam.

She leaned forward, flipped all her hair over her face, and pulled her hair into a pony tail. That may seen harmless to you, but you just don't understand, see. The only way to get your pony tail to reach the appropriate Catholic school height on the very tip-fucking-top of your head is to actually flip your hair forward, leaning down and looking at the ground. Only then can you gather your hair in a topknot on the exact pinnacle of your bulbous head.

Oh. My. Fucking. God. When I saw that I wanted to die right then and there, because years of pent up anger and rage just swelled back up in me and I don't have anywhere to put it. I knew it would be wrong to actually kill her, although everyone knows god doesn't mind killing Catholics. I remain secularly moral, and do not want to kill. That much. Between my parents and Catholic school, I'm surprised I haven't blown up a school yet. Ah well. I'm going to go work to get the rage out of me. Ta, bitches.

It has been more or less finalized until I get into classes and decide i like spare time more than taking 21 credits instead of 16 - my classes for next semester shall proceed thusly:

MWF
8:30 - 9:20 PE 160 - Martial Arts - note that I do not have any specific interest in the martial arts, while simultaneously professing the deepest admiration and respect for all those who can probably remove my heart from my chest without breaking a single rib, please don't hurt me. I'm only taking this class because the pillar of academic integrity and not at all an absolute waste of a a school that is sucking as much time and money out of us as possible that is Emory University requres 4 (count them, 4 P.E. credits. I have only taken one, and am going to be abroad for all of my junior year, hopefully. ::sigh:: this is going to suck.

9:35 - 10:25 SOC 214 - Class/Power/Status - a required course for the sociology major, which I may grudgingly have to declare myself to satisfy my mother's nigh-insatiable need to prove over and over that we are, in fact, Asian, and yes, we all DOUBLE MAJOR, BITCHES!

11:45 - 12:35 - SOC 311 - Political Sociology - now, I had wanted to take a class called juvenile delinquency, but it was at 8:30 and I decided that my MWFs would be absolutely unbearable if I had class straight from 8:30 to 5. Then again, I do have the Martial Arts class at 8:30, but that's only because I absolutely have to get a PE class in this semester. Hopefully I can switch into a lter one. But again, this class it toward the sociology major. What in god's name am I going to do with a sociolgy major?

12:50 - 1:40 - ENG 389WR - Special Topics: Literature and Media Arts - toward the Creative Writing major, which requires 3 English classes at 300 or above level. Looks to be interesting enough. Certainly better than an 8:30 on Chaucer, which is pretty much all that's left. Bastards.

Wednesday only, blessed be the lord.
2:00 - 5:00 - ENG 371WR - Creative Writing - Poetry - I'm taking this class with Natasha Trethaway, who is also my Creative Writing advisor. By all accounts, she shits rainbows, i.e. her class comes highly recommended. I haven't met her yet, because she's off on sabbatical this semester. I imagine that involves a cabin and maybe a quill pen, but I'm not clear on the details. Looking forward to this one.

TTh
10:00 - 11:15 - CS 170 - Intro to Computer Science I - I have to take a lab science to graduate, and this be it. It's the only thing I'm even remotely interested in. I don't know exactly what this course entails, but hopefully it'll be entertaining. Maybe it'll help me cure my laptop. Maybe it will even get the FUCKING ANTS OUT OF IT

4:00 - 4:50 - CS 170 - Intro to Computer Science I - lab one lab a week. Not bad.

That's my classes. Combined with about 15 hours of work a week, I don't know how well I'll be able to handle it. We'll see if I have to drop anything. Ah well. Toodles.

For the technologically challenged, like me, who cannot for the life of them get wifi to work when they're too lazy to sit upright at their computers and prefer to lie in bed, cuddling with their laptop and watching inordinate amounts of kiddie porn disney movies:

How to steal wifi.

I'm at work right now, but I'm so totally trying this when I get home. If it works, I'm going to be the happiest camper ever, because that means I can 1) cuddle in bed with Gerdie (that's my laptop, not my German) while doing research and writing papers, and 2) save my precious computer from the legions of ants that have taken over the building.

Also: one of the guys at work asked me today who was on my list of top 5 actors and top 5 actresses whose movie I would watch no matter what. Apparently it was a poll in Entertainment Weekly. I'm having a bit of trouble fleshing out my list. So far it progresses thusly:

Men
1. Brad Pitt (I know, I always want to hate him, just on principle. But he makes so damn good movies, you must admit)
2. Dustin Hoffman
3. Will Ferrell
4. Jonny Depp
5. ?????

Women
1. Janeane Garofalo
2. Lindsay Lohan/Hilary Duff (one person, one mind/soul, one overlord)
3. ??????
4. ??????
5. ??????
I have no idea who my favorite actresses are! Any thoughts?

1) OMFG! OMFG! OMFG! Apparently only 1/3 of Americans believe in Darwinism, but almost half believe in creationism. Fuck you, Gallup polls, for shattering my rose-colored glasses.

2) Mimi Smartypants tries desperately to understand her daughter's favorite pre-school television programming: MAISY! This is the kind of inanity that makes post-election life, ncaa-basketball-free-because-I-live-in-Atlanta-and-NO-CHANNELS-SHOW-NCAA-BASKETBALL-GODDAMMIT! a tad more bearable.
"Maisy is a mouse. She lives alone, and has three close friends: Cyril (a squirrel), Charlie (an alligator), and Tallulah (a chicken, I think).
Some Deeper Characterization:
( My favey quotes )

3) Only in Kentucky would a marijuana-themed restaurant called the Cheba Hut 'Toasted' Subs open down the road from a store called Kentucky Hemp Outfitters. Best part? The restaurant is run by a mother-son team. I'm totally hittin' that shite up when I go home because oh by the way I go home on fucking Wednesday. Heck yes!

4) Elizabeth Egan is only 9, and she lives on a farm in Prospect, but she knows her chic cosmetics. At Von Maur in Oxmoor Mall, she dips into a sampler tub of Clinique moisturizer and rubs the fragrant cream into her hands as she explains her makeup moxie. "Even though I live on a farm, I'm more of a city girl," says Elizabeth, who dreams of being a makeup artist or stylist. She counts Lancome and Chanel among her favorite beauty brands. "I like their quality."

What the fuck? She's fucking NINE. I remember in 8th grade, my friend Sara was jealous that I had my ears pierced because her parents wouldn't let her unti her 16th birthday. Makeup resulted in uniform infractions, enough of which resulted in detention with the beast of an ex-nun who was our principal, Dr. Wannamuehler. Could she possibly be as terrifying as her hauntingly Germanic name? Oh, but yes - and moreso!

"It's easy to see how a girl who hasn't reached double digits could succumb to the lure of $30 mascara." - Is it? Is it really? I tend to strenuously disagree.

"L.T. Thompson, 12, has a taste for top-notch brands and a disdain for overdone faces." Oh does L.T.? "I mostly like Benefit and Clinique because they have a lot of natural (-looking) stuff," she says. "I like Benefit because of the packaging. I like the names." Well, God knows you should bust all of Daddy's money on whatever has the prettiest packaging and name. Hey look! A glitter-covered piece of turd called "SKANK APPEAL!"

"Another brand adept at hooking young girls is Stila. Its lipsticks bear funky girl names like Liza and Salome and it uses cartoony city-girl images on its packaging." ----- SALOME?! Like the fucking Oscar Wilde play where Salome is so insatiably driven by her quest to obtain the ultimate beauty, the prophet Jokanaan, that she has him beheaded when he refuses to kiss her?! The play that was written as a metaphor for Wilde's own ceaseless quest for beauty and his self-loathing because of it? The play that illustrates how Salome's need for beauty resulted in its ultimate destruction? Okay, just checking. Funky fresh, indeed.

And that last article reminded me of this article that was in our school newspaper a couple weeks ago that will literally make you want to die.

5) Emory fashionistas make mall trips a way of living
"Last time he went shopping, College sophomore Nick Ferguson said he spent about $1,500...Backman said she shops for clothes almost every other week, usually spending an average of $200 to $500 a trip at malls in the area. Backman she recently spent approximately $600 at Bloomingdale’s, Neiman Marcus and J. Crew. “It’s like a bad habit I’ve gotten into,” Backman said...“In the last three months, I’ve spent about $1,500,” Boutte said."
etc., etc., etc. And my parents wonder why I complain about the people here so damn much. I don't even have comments on this, it's too painful. Holocaust-style.